A Smart Sports Enthusiast

Is it too much to ask to date a smart guy who also likes sports?

I’ve dated the smart guys who don’t know the rules of football… and I’ve dated the ex-college athletes who don’t know how to string together a sentence. Unfortunately, neither one on his own gives me what I’m looking for. I need the combination.

I have been doing the online dating thing on and off again for a little over a year now. There have been month long love affairs, terrible first dates, and a bunch of in-betweens. There have been ups and downs, but lately it seems like a lot of downs. Don’t get me wrong, I consider myself fortunate to get the “swipes” and “winks” and “likes” that I do, but they’re never from the “right” guy. Am I being too picky? Am I not really the solid 7 that I think I am? Maybe I should lower my standards? NO. NO. And HELL NO. I am 29, not 35. And even if I were 35, I have enough self-worth to know that I can do better than the rude 36-year old mattress salesman who never left his hometown and doesn’t want children. Ugh.

Of course my friends (all of whom are in relationships) find my dating life completely amusing. They often take my phone and start swiping and liking guys that I don’t ever even have a chance to view for myself. I think about stopping them, but then realize… what harm can they really do? Just a couple of weeks ago, during “Taco Night” at my beach house (helloooo margaritas), my friends asked me exactly what I was looking for.

I told them it’s hard to put into words, but finally we came up with the phrase, a “Smart Sports Enthusiast.” You see, I’ve dated the smart guys who don’t know the rules of football (yes, those guys really do exist) and I’ve dated the ex-college athletes who don’t know how to string together a sentence. Unfortunately, neither one on his own gives me what I’m looking for. I need the combination.

A few days passed and after talking (and of course by talking I mean messaging, because no one actually talks anymore) with yet another “winner” who tells me that we should really just sleep together on the first date to see if we hit it off, I throw my phone across the wall and head to bed. I am starting to give up on the whole online dating thing and begin to wonder if I should cancel all of my accounts and buy a dog.

I wake up the next morning to see a little number 1 on top of my JDate app. I roll my eyes, preparing for the doozy that probably reached out, but it turns out I have a message from “RollTideDucks.” Hmmm could that be a combination of two college sports teams? We have potential! I then open the app and see:

Hi MissMonica218,

My name is Jacob. You have a great smile! I really enjoyed reading your profile, especially how much you like sports. I have to admit, I too am trying to visit all of the major league ball parks. Isn’t it fun to travel all around and see the different cities? What brought you to Chicago? Do you miss traveling all over for work? Here’s a tough question—if you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go?

I hope to hear from you soon, Jacob

Well Hello, Jacob! Major points for crafting the perfect initial email. You introduced yourself, complimented me in a non-creepy way, showed interest and referenced something written in my profile, pointed out something we had in common, and even wrote a closing signature line. A+!!!

I click into his profile. He’s getting his PhD in Biomechanics and Sports Medicine. If that’s not a smart sports enthusiast, then I don’t know what is! Am I getting catfished? Did my friends create this profile after our weekend discussion? The rest of his profile makes me smile and nod my head and I think to myself – okay – this is the guy. He’s cute, in an approachable way. He’s short, shorter than I usually go for, but he has a good head of hair and a warm smile. I write him back an equally thoughtful message and anxiously await his reply. Later that night I get another well-written email from Jacob – this time it’s a few paragraphs long. I read…I laugh…I smile…I like this. I like him!

We have so much in common, I appreciate his nerdy-ness but also enjoy hearing about the time he sat behind home plate at a Yankees/Red Sox game.

After several of these long getting to know you emails, he closes one by saying, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but I want to meet you in person. Are you free early next week? I would love to take you out for drinks and dinner. My number is ______. Please call or text me to let me know.” Look who is getting asked out on a proper date… THIS GIRL!

So, Jacob and I begin texting. Seeing as we’re both into baseball, I suggest that we meet at the minor league baseball stadium in town. Cute first date, right? No one has to get too dressed up, you can easily talk to each other, or if things are awkward, just focus on what’s going on in the game. He loves the idea, says that he knows someone at the ballpark and will get tickets. True to his word, I hear from him a few hours later:

Jacob: “I got the tickets! I’m really looking forward to meeting you Monday night” Monica: “Great, thanks for getting them! The first round of beers are on me!” Jacob: “Absolutely not. Maybe you haven’t dated anyone from the south before, but you will not be paying for anything.”

Swooooon. Okay. So not only is he a thoughtful, well-traveled, smart sports enthusiast, but he’s also a southern gentlemen? Ladies, we have a winner! I spend the next couple of days thinking about what we will name our children. Where we will live. How we will visit all of the baseball parks together, buy matching jerseys, and take obnoxious couple photos.

But wait a second… what if this is all too good to be true. What’s wrong with him? I look back at his profile. All of the pictures are from his waist up. Does he not have legs? We haven’t talked on the phone yet. Does he have an awkward voice? Maybe he has chronic bad breath. Yes, that has to be it.

After a painfully long weekend, of wondering what could go right and could go wrong, Monday night comes. I let Jacob know that I’m leaving work and on my way and he tells me that he’ll be waiting outside the ballpark on the right hand side by the statue. I park my car and start walking to the statue. There he is. He has legs! He looks like his picture! “Hey Monica, how are you?” He has a normal voice! He gives me an awkward hug (not the best sign), but I get close enough to realize that he does not have bad breath! Three for three, Jacob. Nice work. He instantly starts asking how my drive was, how my day at work was, if I’ve ever been to the ballpark before. I’m answering his questions, nodding along, but I can’t stop thinking…why am I not more excited. Shouldn’t I be excited? He is short. But I knew he was short. Why does he make me feel fat? Am I fat? No. He’s just skinny. I need to get out of my own head.

We start watching the game and keep chatting. He’s definitely easy to talk to, he’s well mannered, and I can tell that he comes from a good family and was raised well. So what’s the issue? Maybe he’s too nice. Is that a thing? When he tells me about the one and only time he cursed in front of his parents I’m a little taken a back, but maybe that’s how things are done in the South (Mental note, Monica: Don’t fucking curse on this date.). When I tell him that I’m a lightweight and can’t have more than two beers without getting drunk he doesn’t make some kind of a flirty joke about buying me a third drink, but instead says “I have a low tolerance too.” What is going on here? This guy is being perfectly polite, why do I find that to be a turn-off?

Now before you think I’m a total judgey bitch, understand this. I know I must be crazy. The guy doesn’t curse in front of his parents and he’s not trying to get me drunk. Why are those BAD things? I’m pathetic, right? Jacob is GREAT. He’s thoughtful, he’s smart, he’s into sports, he has a good family…he’s JEWISH! It was the perfect date. He was the perfect gentlemen. He was a freaking smart sports enthusiast, dammit! Why was I not jumping up and down and picturing this guy proposing to me during the seventh inning stretch?

The answer was simple: I just wasn’t into him.

The game ended and Jacob walked me to my car. I quickly extended my arms out to him to give him a hug and make it clear that I wasn’t giving anything else. I spent the car ride home debriefing with my girl friend and by the time I got home and hung up with her, I had a text message from Jacob:

“Thanks for a great night. I hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I did! Get home safely and I’ll talk to you soon.”

Oh sweet Jacob.

As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, physical attraction is important. It’s not the only thing, and it might not even be the most important thing, but it’s definitely a factor. Trust me. I was on a date with a great guy, but I didn’t want to do anything more with him than chat.

So what now? Do I get bummed out that Mister Wonderful turned out not to be Mister Wonderful for me? I vote no. I had a great Monday night. I met an interesting guy, had good conversation, and went to a fun baseball game. I put myself out there and went on a solid date. It showed me that there are in fact smart, thoughtful guys out there who are interested in me for who I am and they want to take me on fun dates. While I don’t see a second date in Jacob’s and my future, I would consider Monday night a win. It’s good to know that not everyone is a horn-dog and that I am in fact worthy of being taken on a proper date. Oh and ladies, if you want to go on a date with Jacob, let me know. He really is a catch (baseball pun intended)!

~Monica

#onlinedating #firstdate #thebad #thegood