7 Things That Separate A Good Guy From A Desperate Guy

There’s a fine line between a genuinely good guy and a desperate one. Here’s a handy guide to help you tell the difference.

So, I’ve been on a bunch of first dates, a few second dates, and, oh I don’t know, close to zero third dates. First dates are easy, unless he’s a totally creeper or you just don’t click. But something about date #2 separates the boys from the men. It’s now that you either a) realize you like the guy or b) think you may have had one too many drinks to “calm your nerves” on date #1 and don’t know what you were thinking. This is when you start to notice the differences between a great guy and a desperate guy.

A desperate guy will try WAY too hard to do what a great guy would do genuinely. But, unfortunately, sometimes it’s hard to tell if he’s going to be that mature sexy thang you imagined while applying your eyeliner for the first date, or if he’s going to be a stage #5 clinger. Luckily, there are some tiny clues to look for in order to tell the difference between a great guy and a desperate guy.

Read: 20 First Date Red Flags

1) A great guy will apologize if he says something that comes out wrong, a desperate guy will apologize for everything you disagree with or don’t laugh at.

Listen dude, we’re not going to agree on everything and I am going to miss some of your jokes. It’s cool. No one should apologize for being themself, because if they are, they’re essentially saying that who they really are is a mistake. Not cool. Man up and don’t apologize for being you. However, if you accidentally offend me, you should definitely go ahead and apologize for that.

2) A great guy will make plans for dinner, a desperate guy will give you multiple options and will think whatever you want is great.

Hey, I like when a guy makes all the plans so that I don’t have to and it’s nice when he does so based on my preferences. It’s like he’s saying, I’ve paid attention to what you like, so let’s mix that with what I like. Sexy. But when a guy is trying to make plans and will do everything and anything just because I like it, then he’s leaving out something vital to a relationship – him.

3) A great guy will call or text you after work, a desperate guy will call and text you after work, and when he gets home, and on the way to the gym, and while he’s lifting…

Of course, he’s sorry he missed you the first, second, and seventh time he tried to get in touch with you. I mean, a guy should absolutely be reaching out to you, but we do have text alerts and voicemail. We know if you reached out and we’ll get back to you. Now let’s be real, I hate when I don’t hear from a guy for a long period of time, but I know it’s either because he’s busy or because he’s no longer interested. Give it a hot second… or take the hint.

4) A great guy will get a bit annoyed if you flake out, a desperate guy will get really angry if you don’t text when you say you will.

A guy has every right to get a little pissed if you’re consistently late or if you take forever and a day to respond to him. But let’s not forget that life happens. Calling a little later than you said you would is no reason for a knock down drag out fight. This kind of behavior screams insecurity, distrust, and dare I say… desperation.

5) A great guy will get slightly uncomfortable when you bring up a past experience with your ex, a desperate guy will absolutely not want to hear it at all… or will want to know every single detail.

Here’s a bit of shocking news, my life didn’t begin the day before we met. I’ve dated people before you and it didn’t all end with us galloping separate ways on our unicorns over a rainbow. Specific details are unnecessary, but exes are part of our history and they’re going to come up from time to time. That’s life. However, if you start taking serious mental notes, you’re either creating a guidebook for dating me or you’re plotting to murder all of my exes.

6) A great guy will do little gestures to show appreciation, a desperate guy will make an unnecessarily huge production of appreciating you.

Sigh. Nobody wants their personal triumphs to be overlooked or to feel taken advantage of. But is the full band marching in formation on my lawn to my favorite song really necessary because I said I had a good day? How about you take me to dinner or bring home my favorite candy or wine? Or better yet, candy AND wine?

7) A great guy will support the things you love to do independently, a desperate guy will expect to do them all with you.

Yes, it’s super sweet when a guy takes interest in your favorite TV show or holds up a self-made sign at the finish line of your half marathon. But when he starts to read every book, watch all the web tutorials, and quickly becomes an aficionado on all the things you like, it’s gets a little smothering. The biggest difference between a great guy and a desperate guy is that a desperate guy has a hard time giving you the autonomy you need. And for us awesome, badass, independent women, that can become a little too much. A great guy will let you maintain your individuality while still creating things that are unique to your coupledom. (Is that even a word? It is now.) These are great guys. Great guys let us be us AND let us be a good girlfriend. We like great guys. Be like great guys.

#redflags #thegood #thebad #onlinedating