On The Other Hand

You never know what you’re going to see on a first date, or not see in this case

"I’m sorry if it sounds horribly shallow, but it was NOT something I was expecting to see, or not see in this case. My eyes did one of those comical popping out of my head moves, but I quickly recovered before he saw.

So I’ve known Michele a while now. We’re pretty close…close enough that she’s seen me bleach my mustache and agonize over our mutual “digestive distress” after running a half marathon together (they don’t tell you that kind of stuff when you start training!). So she’s one of the first people I go to with my dating woes. When she asked if I would share some of my experiences for the blog, how could I say no?

I’ve had my fair share of online dating stories or just stories in general. I think the winner of them all is when I went out with Dan*. I met Dan online and we really seemed to hit it off. He was relatively close to where I lived, good looking, had a decent job–what more could a girl ask for? We had been messaging for a while when we decided to meet up for a coffee.

I get ready, looking really cute in a pair of jeans, wedge heals, silk tank, and casual blazer. It was the summer, but I figured I’d be in air conditioning. I get to the coffee place first and wait for him by the entrance. He arrives a short time later in a T-shirt and shorts, big smile on his face. He had one of those baby faces that you couldn’t help but focus on. We hug hello and head into the coffee shop. We were casually chatting the entire time, intermittently taking a break to order our drinks, and Dan was generous enough to pay and that’s when it happened.

That’s when I noticed.

He was missing a hand.

A HAND people.

Like, it wasn’t there.

I’m sorry if it sounds horribly shallow, but it was NOT something I was expecting to see, or not see in this case. My eyes did one of those comical popping out of my head moves, but I quickly recovered before he saw. I acted as if I didn’t notice it, although I was morbidly curious watching him doctor up his drink with just one hand and his mouth. There was a part of me that thought he must be really talented with his mouth… STOP. SNAP OUT OF IT.

We sat for a bit enjoying our coffee and later went for a walk. I was sweating like the dickens, but I didn’t take off my blazer because then he would see the pit stains on my silk tank. Ugh. The whole time however I kept thinking, “Do I bring it up? Should I ask him about it?” I don’t know!! I didn’t think it was exactly first date etiquette to casually ask, “Oh by the way, why are you missing a hand?” !!! So I completely ignored it. Even though I would have irrational thoughts as we were walking like, “If I end up with this guy, I will only be able to walk on one side of him forever if I want to hold his hand.” This is what my mind focuses on. Dear Lord.

When I got back that night and spoke with a friend about it he asked, “Ummm but didn’t you notice his hand was missing from his picture?”

“Harry,* this is me we’re talking about. I could have very well missed it (I KNOW) or he could have just not shown a picture with his hand missing.”

“Well if he didn’t, that’s not cool. He should tell people stuff like that. Did you go back and look at his profile?”

“No, I’m too scared because then he’ll see that I looked at his profile and I don’t want him to think it was cause of the whole hand thing.”

He finally convinced me to look and lo and behold there were TWO pictures with him missing a hand. To be fair however, they weren’t exactly close ups of his wrist; if you weren’t looking for it, your mind kind of filled in what wasn’t there.

Honestly, after my initial shock, I didn’t really notice the whole non-hand thing, but he wasn’t much of a talker. I’d ask him a question and he’d be like “Yep.”

::crickets:::crickets::

I’m Italian. I need to be able to hold (hand or no hand) a conversation with somebody who can communicate with more than one word answers, so I didn’t end up seeing him again.

One-Hand-Dan was certainly an experience I will never forget. Consequently however, I tend to scrutinize people’s profile pictures a little more before meeting up with them. If I do end up dating somebody who is missing another appendage, I’d at least like to be forewarned about it.

*Name has been changed for privacy…because DUH.

~V. Bennett

#thebad #onlinedating #firstdate