The Absolute WORST Part Of Dating
- May 18, 2016
- 4 min read
Do you know what sucks sometimes? Dating. Do you know what sucks worse? Waiting. Dating and waiting. It's the never-ending cycle of suck.
Ok, so I went on an awesome date the other night. And if you've been reading Rules of Ungagement, you know what a big deal that is. Huge deal. ENORMOUS deal. My first dates have historically ended with me bolting for the sanctuary of my Honda, me consuming all the bread in Northern New Jersey to avoid the topic of marriage, me chowing down Imodium, or me being confronted by the cops while my shirt's on inside out. So when it's after a date and I leave voicemails at 1am on my best friends' phones and then call my sister in California because I know it's three hours earlier there and she's probably awake, I mean she HAS to be awake because I just had a really good date and I NEED to giggle to someone about it, it is A GIGANTIC FUCKING DEAL.
I get home, drink a glass of water and wash off my makeup (like a good girl who doesn't want to wake up looking like the illegitimate love child of a street corner crack whore and a shriveled prune) and I snuggle into bed. He told me to let him know that I got home safe - because he's actually a nice one - and so before I charge my phone, I text, "Home safe. Had fun with you tonight, thanks for the beers!" to which he responds something cute and I swoooooooooon happily as I drift off to sleep.
Sounds great, doesn't it? Yeah, well do you know what happens after you fall asleep happily? Of course you do - you wake up. And then... you wait. And this, my friends, THIS is the absolute worst part of dating. The very delicate (and supremely annoying) stretch of time right after the first date. This is the make or break time. This is moment of truth time. This is results of the first impression time.
You desperately want to play it cool, so of course you can't text first. And it's early and you were out late last night, so he's probably still asleep. Should you still be asleep? You try to fall back asleep. Nope. You're up.
You have breakfast, go for a run, do your morning thing, and then wham! Out of nowhere, it hits you right upside the head. HE HAS NOT TEXT YOU. But it's still cool. You're still cool. It's still early.
By midday and early evening, everything is peachy. You're still swimmingly giddy about how awesome your date was and you replay all the cute and flirty little quips and witty back-and-forths. You catch yourself giggling into your palm about a comment you wish you hadn't said, but you hope he found it endearing. He'll probably mention it again tonight when he texts you.
HE DOES NOT TEXT YOU.
No, that's fine. We're good. It's been less than a day. Maybe he's doing the same thing. Maybe he's waiting for me to text him. I should text him. No. NO. I should not. I'll wait. If he wants to see me again he'll text me. But if he doesn't text me by Wednesday, I'll text him. Wednesday is a good buffer. Wednesday is forever away! Tuesday. If he doesn't text me by Tuesday...
...then you fall asleep. And thank god because your brain won't shut the hell up!
Then, you wake up. Again. Except it's Monday. You go to work and you've only checked your phone about 578 times, but your coworkers all want to know-
"How was your date?!"
"Oh," you try to hide the anxiety, "It was great!"
"That's good! When are you seeing him again?" "Um, I don't know yet..." and you duck out of there to avoid that fact that HE HAS NOT TEXT YOU.
Maybe it wasn't that great for him. Was I awkward? I'm usually awkward. Maybe my comment wasn't endearing. Did I say something I shouldn't have? Did he give any hints that I missed? Were their red flags? It's cool. We're good, really. It's only been one day. Right? Am I overreacting? I'm totally overreacting. It REALLY was a good date. Play it cool, girl, get your shit together! Why am I so hung up on this one?!
And then, just as you've scrutinized every single word you said, every move you made, every molecule of air your breathed, you realize - you like him. And why is this such a big deal? Because dating is hard. And sometimes it sucks. A lot. But this one, this one did not suck. This one was not hard. This one was nice. This one was easy. This one was handsome and comfortable and genuine. This one leaned on your chair and sat openly toward you while you laughed about your mutual guilty pleasure for 90s boy bands (and you both agreed *NSYNC was superior to BSB). This one gently touched your elbow when he asked about your tattoo, and not in a creepy-sexy way, but in a soft-tingly kind of way. This one mentioned cats first AND asked you to show him pictures! See, I told you! HUGE FUCKING DEAL.
You hope he'll text you, but you've come to terms with the fact that he might not, but really, you know he's going to text you because the date really was good. And hey girl, you had a damn good date. You FINALLY had a good date! Do you know what that means? That means that are good single men out there - somewhere - and you're destined to have more good dates. All is not lost with the male species... there are just some terribly bad representatives.
You head on home from work, strap on those running shoes, pick out your favorite spandex, and log into your running tacker app.
And, oh. What's that? A text? A text! Could it be? It is! HE FINALLY TEXT YOU!
"Hey there! How was your weekend?"
You close out your texts, fire up your running tracker, and hit the road with a serious extra bounce in your stride. You'll text him back later. He can wait. He made you wait, but you're not bitter at all. Because you've been totally cool this whole time, am I right?
Yeah... right.
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